I am delightfully immersed in the Esther bible study. Each week gets better and better, however I told my bible study peeps this week that I am tired of only relating to Haman – THE BAD GUY!!! I actually think Esther uses the word vile to describe him. I am ready for him to go. This week we studied about how Haman just assumed that Xerxes must have been referring to him when asking what should a king do for a man he desires to honor and Haman thought, “Who would he want to honor more than me.” As I read that I thought what a pompous, egotistical, narcissistic jerk Haman is! Then we were asked to think of a time we were ever presumptuous or felt a sense of entitlement over something. Well no, I never think I should be honored like a queen or first lady or anything like that. Oh wait, could that mean do I ever think I deserve something? Like at home, or in my workplace? Well……maybe sometimes. Oh please, what a pompous, egotistical, narcissistic jerk I am!!!! I hate when I have to admit to myself the thoughts I have that make me have to point the finger at myself.
How many times have I felt I deserved something. I don’t mean like a bubble bath or a date night with the hubby. I mean those things like “I don’t deserve for that co-worker to treat me that way. Therefore I am entitled to go and tell everyone about it. Garner some sympathy for myself.” Justification for gossip and a pity party. All those things Satan convinces me that I deserve something better. How many marriages end because people think they deserve to be happy. Or how many times do we just simply say “I don’t deserve this?”
Then I got to thinking about the reverse of that. Do I ever say, “I really shouldn't have treated that person that way. I deserve punishment. I deserve to be humiliated. I deserve ridicule. I deserve to be isolated. I deserve death. I did something yesterday I have never done before. I read the story of the Passion week in all four gospels. Asking God to reveal something new to me. He did. He showed me because He loves me so much and He sent His son to suffer punishment, to suffer humiliation, to suffer ridicule, to suffer isolation, and to suffer death that I will not get what I deserve. For what I deserve is death. Says so, right there in Romans 6:23. Did I not already know this before reading the gospel accounts. Sure, but I never stopped to think about throwing that term "What I deserve" around. Christ certainly didn't get what He deserved and you never see Him acting out of presumption or entitlement. No, we just see Him act out of love and giving. For the rest of Romans 6:23 says His gift is eternal life in Him.
Hallelujah we serve a LIVING savior who gave us what we needed and not what we deserved. Hallelujah He isn't in that tomb for He is risen!